yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
