If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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