Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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