I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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