Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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