i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
