just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
