I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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