if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found your dick twin last night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
