You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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