I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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