Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sober January is a disaster.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
