So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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