the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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