So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
