Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
