i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
