The maid of honor just puked.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
