rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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