Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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