I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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