He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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