connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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