I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
