Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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