Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize