I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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