I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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