Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
