My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
