yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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