Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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