I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
