Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
as a side note pls kill me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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