dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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