I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
