I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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