her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
