You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
