You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
