Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
