it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
