He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
