Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize