with your own penis?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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