Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
