you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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