We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
