i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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