did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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