yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
