apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
