It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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