It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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