I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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