one two three fourrrrnication!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
