Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
