The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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