Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
