so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
