just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
