Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
