you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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