my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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