Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
