the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
