Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
