all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
