i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
