you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
