I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
