My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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