Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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