My room smells like vodka and shame
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Panties = found
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
