Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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