That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
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I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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