So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
